My Wimp, The Vampire
by hearmelaugh
Summary: AU "I. Hate. Superheroes" Murata knew Wolfram didn't mean it, of course. The blond would rant about Yuuri rescuing everyone. And Yuuri probably secretly liked being ranted at. Murata had weird friends. Two-shot
1. Warmly, with reluctance

"I. Hate. Superheroes"

Murata looked up. Algebra homework could wait when Wolfram had interesting things to say about their mutual super-powered friend.

Wolfram licked his lips angrily, finding something at fault, though Murata in all his Dean's list wisdom could not figure out what. Wolfram's lips looked as lovely as ever, and Yuuri was always so very careful around people.

"We go out for years, we room together, _damn near _swear undying loyalty to each other, and he wakes me up one morning to tell me he's the King of Vampires. And then he lets me smell his "tomato juice". And like _that_ wasn't insulting enough, he tells me you knew about this since... Whatever, not important"

Murata was used to Wolfram ranting, and it was almost _de rigueur _for him to begin with the first time he was told about Yuuri's secret. Yuuri definitely knew how to pick life partners; since Wolfram had been informed that his lover was basically royalty with really cool powers trying to balance vampires' bloodlust with the increasing human population, all Wolfram had done _since_ was _bitch_ about the fact.

Somehow, Wolfram found bumbling incompetent wimp-Yuuri more attractive than uber-cool King of Darkness, His Majesty Shibuya.

_Not that Shibuya's become any less of a wimp around Wolfram._

"He almost gets himself killed stopping some idiot from attacking a taxi driver, then collapses into bed without changing his bloody clothes. And he wanted _pity_ sex in the morning, like hell I was going to sleep with anybody who smelled like an abattoir, so he wimps out and apologises and goes to wash the dishes. And you know what that wimp did, when I thought that maybe a good morning kiss wasn't entirely out of the question?"

"I don't know, but I'm sure you'll tell me"

At least college life was never boring. With friends like these, Murata couldn't make enemies even if he wanted to.

"He goes at me like some sex-starved pervert, kisses me silly, then _cuts my lip on his stupid fangs_! We're supposed to cook curry today! The entire evening session is on Indian cuisine! My lips are going to burn the whole day from the cayenne and stuff! I could just tell he sneaked a taste, the cheating vampire! And when I try to scold him for being so clumsy, he had to go and _pout_, and say sorry and look like he would cry, no trace of manly pride at all, I couldn't even shout at him properly"

Wolfram growled, slamming his pencil case shut. Study hall was over in a few minutes, and Yuuri was hidden on the rooftop sucking on raw beef.

_Probably crying to himself. God forbid he gets any of that mess on Wolfram_.

"Next time he goes off suddenly to save someone, I'm following him. The wimp being the wimp, he probably tried politely saying 'cease and desist please' to the attacker."

_Actually, he says stop, and if they don't listen, he throws them through walls._

"I'll hit them both, they'll both say sorry, and I won't get annoyed at night when I'm trying to finish my homework. He's lucky I love him so much; who else could stand the wimpiness?"

_Almost the entire vampiric nation?_

Wolfram sighed before he stood up, slinging his bag onto his shoulder.

"See you later Murata, I'm going to look for him. Yuuri didn't actually tell me if he got hurt yesterday. The idiot"

Wolfram snorted and was gone, Murata now alone nibbling on his pen. Last week's rant was about Yuuri being unusually interested in Wolfram's butchery classes, and the week before that was because Yuuri had "been giving that annoying Sara-something his _hungry_ look"

Sometimes Murata really couldn't understand why Yuuri was so thoroughly in love with Wolfram; yeah, the blond was drop dead gorgeous, but there were drop un-dead gorgeous vampires throwing themselves at him too. None of them had Wolfram's temper or cutting mouth.

Then Murata would realise that Wolfram would beat the daylights out of anyone who threatened his Yuuri, never mind that the average vampire could kill him with the flick of a wrist, and that Wolfram was the only one except for him that didn't fear Yuuri at all.

And Wolfram had the dubious honour of being the _only_ person in the entire world who loved a crime-fighting monarch of the undead _less_ than the easily-flustered student who took Mass Communication because "I like talking to people"

_Wolfram, Wolfram, you lie through your teeth. You don't hate your superhero at all, do you?_

* * *

A/N: Prompt was super hero! I cut my lip the day I saw the prompt, and this is what you get. Would you even be able to imagine what would happen if I broke a leg? XD Second part up soon, and dear, anonymous tigersilver, here's a spunky little tiramisu-taste-a-like for you. Chocolate fudge and strawberries are on my hard drive as is, spur me on, yes?

Tentative release for YSTS is a week. Yes, mates, a week. Do be strong, heh

Oh, and xeohe? I can see you! (waves)


	2. Gnarly, with teeth

Warning: About as implicit as a non-explicit scene can get. Seriously. Dislike, please don't read!

* * *

They were on their bed, in their room, and it was dark out, and it was hot _here_.

The heat was heavy and alive, lazily coiling around the two of them as they panted and panted, because they were _together_, and it _burnt_.

The blond made a choked sound, the other hissed and ignored the pain, because it was hot, and he could melt, and he _wanted_ to melt.

A little discomfort was nothing.

Outside this home he was _king_.

The blond moved, and then the other moved with him. It's clumsy and their knees knock, and their grip slips and slides because they were sweating, liquid torrential, flooding everything.

But it's alright (_it's fine_).

They've done this before. Together. Often. But somehow they never became experts at doing it just _so_, so that now as the blond shifts and bucks upwards and pleads for a kiss, their teeth wouldn't knock.

But their teeth _do_ knock, and somehow it's alright because Yuuri's Yuuri and Wolfram's Wolfram, and it was still oh so hot, and they couldn't breathe because it hurt to, or maybe because it was a pleasure to, but breathing, deep breathing (_hi hi huu_) was too difficult, too distracting, so they pant.

And Wolfram, he controls how fast they move, how much _friction_, how much they _feel_, and Yuuri didn't mind, because it was Wolfram and it was burning, and _talented_, _single-minded_ Wolfram, he was hitting _something, _and suddenly Yuuri couldn't see straight.

Or to his left, or to his right, or anywhere.

Now sight was a distraction, so he closed his eyes, and shouted.

And _shouted_.

Because the camel's back was really broken by pleasure, and so much warmth and love and _happy!_ and Yuuri is dropped off the precipice.

And _loyal, honest _Wolfram, who would _never_ let him be alone, brave Wolfram tumbled into blind exhilaration right alongside him.

...

They breathe, later. They could breathe again, and both moved to shift under the blankets. A roaring fire would have been romantic when passionate activity no longer went on to keep them _hot_, but Yuuri did not accept money to look after his people, and Wolfram worked at a restaurant after school, so warmth afforded by blankets was all they could afford.

Unless...

"Want to go a second round, Wolf?"

"You're out of your mind, Yuuri."

"But Wolf~" he whined, "I'm _cold._"

The blond growled threateningly, _dishonestly_, because the pleased grin he always got after they had fun was there.

"How come everyone else is scared of you, you wimp?"

Yuuri huffed, vaguely insulted.

"Because I AM king, you know, and I'm _way_ stronger than you, and people respect me, and-"

Wolfram was sleepy.

"Ngh... Yuuri, if that's how _powerful_ you are, and I know you dented my car door when you shut it too hard yesterday, how come _I'm_ seme?" It was a funny word, maybe even a dirty word, but it was the _truth_, and it was Yuuri that had brought up the titles in the first place, so the wimp was only getting what was coming to him.

Wolfram didn't even blush _that_ much.

An added afterthought.

"_And_ I decide the brand of coffee we drink every morning!"

Yuuri winced at the hot _burning_ pain in his lower back, and slid off the mattress to head for a warm shower.

Moving to Wolfram's side of the bed he mischievously ruffled blond locks, laughing when Wolfram growled, slapped his hand away and tried to smooth back his hair.

Yuuri bends, and presses a a kiss to Wolfram's cheek, warm and loving.

"Because I don't know if I can control my strength if I'm the one doing _that _ to... well, to _you_. And Wolfram, didn't you notice?"

He leans down and happily declares his _undying_ love for the blond in a kiss.

"I'm the king of vampires, and I can kill you without any trouble. You know I'm your wimp, Wolf, think for yourself! Maybe I want someone to rule over _me_."

...

(Next evening)

"Wolf, what is this?"

The blond looked up from his homework (_The oxidative properties of Green Tea Vs. Black Tea. Compare and contrast. Include the history and make of each, two thousands words minimum by Wednesday)_ with an awesome frown, because tea was Lipton and Lipton was tea, was there anything more?

He couldn't budget for Earl Grey, thanks most kindly.

"What, wimp?"

Yuuri held up a blue shirt with the words "Wimp is King" emblazoned across the chest in black letters.

"Oh. Murata said one of his 'friends' had started a t-shirt printing store, and he was giving a discount for the first hundred presses... Something like that. It's cute, Yuuri."

"Thanks, Wolf, but... no one would understand it. Except you, me, and Murata."

Wolfram shrugged and returned his attention to his laptop.

"It's not for anyone else. It's for you, so that you remember that you are a king, and there are lives that depend on you."

Oooh. Morbid.

"Wolf, if this is about yesterday-"

Wolfram growled as he accidentally closed the tab he was reading through.

"It is about yesterday, Yuuri. You are a king, I think you have to take responsibility for it."

"Do you _want_ me to top?" Yuuri was red, because he was confused, and confused Yuuri, like boiled lobster, turns red.

Wolfram glared at him.

"I'm not even going to _try_ to understand what goes on in your mind, wimp. You _are_ a king, but the wimp part is so that you know whenever I'm near, I'll be whatever you need me to be."

The blond is annoyed, and his eyes are fatigued from staring at small script on the screen. A rest, a rest is well-deserved.

He stood and stalked to Yuuri, before kissing the stronger, _wimpier_ man breathless. Wolfram grinned his predatory grin and hugged his boyfriend.

"Your lord or your lover, anything, everything, wimp. You should feel so lucky I'm so accommodating!"

Yuuri couldn't help his smile, because Wolfram was charming when he was being bratty and kind, and hugged back, careful not to break anything or injure anything or _hurt_.

Anything.

"I'll be sure to tell my advisers to give you a title, Wolf. You know, because I love you and I'm _so _powerful and..."

_Wolf,_ _I'm so grateful._

"You can show your appreciation by switching off the heating and keeping me warm"

Yuuri grinned, and even if he didn't do it as well, he could look predatory too.

He could!

"Immediately, Your Excellency!"

* * *

A/N: Oh gosh. There you have it people. To date, the single naughtiest thing I have ever written ever. I'm thinking this should maybe be an M, only things were so vague that the activities could probably be attributed to active knitting if you weren't in the know XD So whatever. I forgot that I was supposed to post this, oh hah. There's one other one-shot that I remember that I can post, maybe, and several in the works, and that long one (or two). Is a busy bee, is me. Show the love, yeah?


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